Three things you'd change about your looks

As a means of stimulating some interesting conversation from a rather dull day, I come up with open-ended questions to ask my friends to see whether, or not, they’ll lead to some opened-ended answers.

Unfortunately, some questions can elicit a two-word answer, so I retort to asking something stupid to see if our talks can last longer than a few minutes.

**

When my friend S and I are sitting at a coffee shop, I bring up a topic that always elicits an answer from every person I’ve asked:

“If you could change any three things about your looks, what would they be and why?” I ask, blowing cool air onto the hot coffee that’s leaving behind a smoky cloud on the top of the cup.

After a short moment, S looks up at me. “Everything,” she says.

“That’s not fair. You can’t change everything.” I open my eyes wide and tilt my head to the side.

She goes back, thinks about it, and tells me her three things. “What about you? What are your three things?” She picks up her cup and brings it to her mouth.

When it comes to my physicality, I choose three things that aren’t available on the shelf, or under a surgeon’s scalpel.

“I’d want to be taller, I wouldn’t want to have any body hair - except my eyebrows and eyelashes - because I hate shaving and I find body hair useless…” and I leave the third one hanging like a bungee jumper, swinging from the rope, back and forth, until someone unlatches him/her from the harness.

She looks at me, intently, waiting for the third.

“I’m not too sure what my third one would be. I’m sure there are several things I wouldn’t mind changing, but it’s a tough decision.” It becomes the scene in Sophie’s Choice, where the heroine has to pick between her two children, and I don’t want to be the little girl she offers up to the Nazis.

She wants an answer, judging by her facial expression.

“I dunno. Maybe I wouldn’t want to go bald.” Technically, that doesn't count, but I hope S doesn't notice. She doesn’t seem too happy with the answer. She probably expected some flaw to be repaired.

Lord knows there are people who have spent money for some of the features I already have (and I think they should receive a refund).

There’s a reason why I look the way I do, and no one else looks like me; I wouldn't want that burden imposed on anyone else. I'm not a perfect physical specimen, but I could look a hell of a lot worse than I already do.

But, she lets it go, and we continue sipping on our hot drinks.

At least this conversation lasted more than two words.

Question: What are your three things (if you want to change anything)?