I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Friday, October 05, 2007


As I'm lying in front of the television, watching an episode of Are You Being Served? and drinking a glass of wine, a friend of mine calls me just as I'm about to lose consciousness. She's driving around town to know whether I’m free, even though she realizes it’s last minute. I’m tired and don’t want to move a muscle, but since I haven’t seen her in a while, I take her up on her offer.

In 10 minutes, I take a quick shower, get changed, do my hair, and brush my teeth. She arrives soon after.

After our pleasantries, she asks which car are we going to take. I suggest mine because I haven’t taken it out, except for short trips. Also, I like to drive because I don’t enjoy being in the passenger seat of some of my friend’s cars (they’re scary drivers).

She looks at my car. ”Your car is spotless,” she says. “I don’t want to dirty it.” She giggles.

“It’s not spotless. It’s dirty. There’s dust everywhere.” I point to the one spot on the roof where there’s a water mark.

“Compared to my car, it’s spotless.” I roll my eyes.

“Well, since your car is on the street, let’s take yours.” It’s a quick concession.

When we walk to her car, I take a peek inside. She’s not kidding when she says my car is cleaner than hers. Hers looks like she uses it, while mine looks like it’s shrink-wrapped. There are things in the back seat, on the floor and in the cupholders. The only thing mine has is a couple of hairs that I can’t seem to remove from my centre console.

My father is always harping on me for not taking care of my car, so to appease him (a.k.a. shut him up), I try to wash it regularly and clean the interior. It’s a pain in the ass in the winter, but I don’t have an excuse when the weather is warmer.

We go on our way and I start to think about my car. Why is it that everyone is afraid of sitting inside? Is it because it’s clean? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. If something gets dirty, you clean it afterwards. Period.

Of course, if the passenger(s) was/were a bloody mess, I would have to throw them in the trunk, alongside the window washer fluid and spare tire, because you can't remove blood from cream-coloured upholstery after it's set.


Blogger Lewis said...

Oh, the pressure of the parents is amazing, isn't it? I stopped and stared into a car in a parking lot recently....as I was walking by. It was absolutely filled up with shit. Garbage, toys, wrappers, clothing, groceries, other shopping, car seats....I mean, stuff on the dashboard, on the seats, on the floor, in the back and front windows, everywhere. Ick. Gross. Disgusting. I WANT TO RIDE WITH YOU!

October 05, 2007 12:22 am  
Blogger about a boy said...

seltzer water works for me!

October 05, 2007 10:14 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

as I have blood noses often and have made a mess of a few expensive shirts I finally hit on what gets rid of blood from allmost anything.

The secret is use salt water as someone said to me that it breaks down the protein in the blood and what ever actually happens it works very well.

October 05, 2007 11:14 am  
Blogger tornwordo said...

You sound like our friend who always insists we "brush off our pants" before getting in the car. He has been irritated by the sara hair that we have left in his car. Hence the brushing before getting in rule. I always mock him, but still comply.

October 06, 2007 6:27 am  

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