I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Friday, October 12, 2007

To the woman and her child on the escalator

Hey.

You don’t know me, but I know you. In fact, I think I know you pretty well. I even know a few members of your family, namely your cute little boy.

Now, before you think I’m a pedophile of sorts, think again. I love children (non-sexually), they love me (non-sexually), and have a brilliant (but stubborn) niece of my own. They’re cute, they’re amazing, and they make your mouth open in wonder with the things they do.

But, there’s a problem… two problems if you want me to get specific. One of them involves your child, and the other involves your parenting skills.

Do you remember when you were on the escalator with your son? You don’t? Well, let me remind you.

As you stepped on, you took his hand and stood on the right side with him on the left. Although he seemed a little apprehensive, he took one step forward onto the automated staircase. Then, he turned around and thought it would be a good idea to climb up the escalator while it was moving downwards.

This wasn’t the part that irked me. The part that irked me was that you didn’t pull him around and make him stand on the step. No, no, that would’ve been too simple. You egged him on, and you encouraged him! Why the hell would you want to do that? Did you attend the Britney Spears school of parenting?

If it was my mother or father, they would’ve yanked my arm, smacked me, and told me not to cry. I know from experience that when you don’t remind your child who is the parent, they will take over and never listen to you ever again.

I was waiting for your son to trip, fall, hurt himself, cry, scream, and gush massive amounts of blood from his wounds while you give me dirty looks because I didn’t do anything to help your kid.

And if that isn’t enough, I had a whole group of people waiting behind me, giving me the evil eye because I wasn’t moving forward. Like it’s my fucking fault. Jesus, lady. You’re so lucky I don’t throw you down the escalator myself to teach you a lesson.

Just remember for next time, if you see me approaching the escalator, and you’re near it with your son, stand to the right with your son and let me (and everyone else) pass on the left. If you don’t, I can assure you, your son will be making his way down and crashing faster than Brit Brit’s career.

Best,
Steven.

6 Comments:

Blogger Random Thinker said...

like kids much?

remind me not to be standing in front of you on an escalator...

while I understand your post, and your emotion, come on, it's only a 20 or 30 second part of your life.

on the other hand, i'd be a little more than pissed at the irresponsibility of the mom. escalators are not toys, and they're not playgrounds. they are dangerous. i definitely would have said something, probably a little more tactfully, but still...

next time take the damn elevator! unless there's a precocious toddler who loves pressing every button

October 12, 2007 9:06 am  
Blogger Chris said...

Oh, no. I agree with Steven on this one. This is exactly how I feel about kids these days.

Awesome open letter. I myself might have said, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

October 12, 2007 12:12 pm  
Blogger Steven said...

I should make a point that this post was commenting on the mother's "parenting skills" and not her cute kid.

She was just asking for the kid to get injured, since even adults can get hurt riding backwards on the escalator.

October 12, 2007 1:44 pm  
Blogger Chris said...

I understand. But I still can't stand kids. They have no style.

October 13, 2007 1:05 am  
Blogger Greg said...

I can't stand kids, just because these days they are spoiled brats. But, like Steven says, its because the lack of parenting that does it. I've seen parents that seem happy to let the schools teach the kids right from wrong (or attempt it) then do it themselves.

If ya don't want to teach a kid how to behave, then don't have a friggin kid!

October 16, 2007 12:53 am  
Blogger Naijadude said...

Wow! someone is really angry at the stupid mother eh!

October 16, 2007 5:02 pm  

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