I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Back to black

There’s nothing like a song by Amy Winehouse that encapsulates how you’re currently feeling. I may not be addicted to drugs and alcohol, but that doesn’t mean I’m going through a rough period in my life.

In an exchange of e-mails with my friend, G, he tells me that he’s been reading Human Nature and finds that I’m going through another black period. I don’t disagree with him.

These dark times come and go, and they’re not – usually – around for long stretches of time, but they do pop up, here and there, in sporadic places in my life.

Unlike those who live a life of eternal sunshine, I’ve never had the chance to experience it. My life has always been clouded with something; something that I can’t put my finger on. It's not depression, or sadness. It's a feeling of darkness; of impending doom.

There are those who call me a pessimist, but that’s not true. A pessimist searches for the darkness; I live within it. Truth be told, a realist - like myself - knows the truth, and refuses to live a life of fallacy.

Being someone who is in tune with his mental state at all times, I know a pill won't make a difference. This is something that cannot be controlled medicinally.

And, since I'm talking about psychology, it is a proven fact that a person can think positively and good things will happen to them. It’s also a proven fact that a person can think positively and then die a horrible, horrible death. The first person is naïve to think it’s always going to be that way, while the second person is cynical because they think nothing good will probably ever happen to them.

Living the life I have, cynicism is what keeps me in check, and hope – with a touch of stupidity – is what gets out of bed every morning. As I make my way through the day, I expect the best, and stop praying for the worst. Sometimes it’s a good day, sometimes it’s a bad week.

That’s my life, and it’s my life to live.

If I don’t go back to black, I’ll never know what the light looks like.

8 Comments:

Blogger nikoeternal.com said...

Try some kundalini yoga in the morning. Anna Brett and Ravi Singh have some great DVDs out.

November 14, 2007 1:35 am  
Blogger about a boy said...

i feel the same way at times.

there are some of us. you and i included. that delight in the night. as much as the day. why not. its life. i got sick of trying to make myself feel a different way. instead i just enjoy it.

i love you man! and do try some yoga!

November 14, 2007 10:58 am  
Blogger Eric said...

NOw I kind of want to hug you.

November 14, 2007 4:43 pm  
Blogger Random Thinker said...

I could be all touchy-feely, show some half-baked compassion, and all that other psycho babble.

But you're smarter than me when it comes to psychology anyway, and you'd see right through it.

so, buck up kiddo, keep draggin you ass out of bed every morning, put a smile on your face and pretend you're happy as shit like the rest of us.

and don't discount the importance of medication and alcohol!

November 14, 2007 5:24 pm  
Blogger Preposterous Ponderings said...

Most of the time I am caught in the darkness with no light in sight.

November 14, 2007 5:39 pm  
Blogger nash said...

Hmmm, I know exactly what you mean. I also know it's important to have balance - too much dark, not enough light blah blah blah

Meditation in the morning works for me. I've also found yoga beneficial in the past. At least you're aware of your feelings. Some folk have no idea

November 14, 2007 9:07 pm  
Blogger madamerouge said...

My shrink and I increased my Zoloft dosage yesterday! Hooray! Take that, November!

November 20, 2007 10:58 pm  
Blogger DavisMcDavis said...

It's called Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.), and I bet you have it. I know I do! Try turning a lot of lights on around the house. You'll start feeling better right after the solstice/Winfreymas on December 22n.

In the meantime, may the blessed Oprah shine Her holy light upon thee, that ye may enjoy the dark with the light, for verily all things are possible with the power of the Oprah. Also you have lovely teeth - they ought to be a comfort to you in these dark times, no?

O-men,
D

November 22, 2007 10:43 pm  

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