I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

I'm her bitch

It’s that time of the year, again. The kids have their costumes ready. The parents are decorating their front porches. The candy has been bought. And, dentists are expecting a lot of tooth decay in the upcoming weeks. It’s almost Hallowe’en and everyone is excited.

Except me.

I never really cared for Hallowe’en when I was a child, and I still don’t, now that I’m an adult. But, for some reason, a lot of my classmates want to wear costumes for the occasion for school. They’re even asking me to join in on the ‘fun’ but I’m just not into dressing up.

If anyone ever sees me, they know my look resembles the latest Michael Kors collection - clean, comfortable, and cashmere. And, even if I did dress up, it would be more along the lines of Dolce then Dracula.

But, just to shut them up, I go along for the ride, and pair up with A because two are better than one. We want to see the reactions on everyone's faces. To up the secrecy, a pact is made: All of the costumes are kept secret until the 31st.

**

Hallowe’en arrives and everyone shows up, one at a time. No one is dressed in their costumes, yet. We all get ready before first period. By the time we walk into class, there are some laughs and some quizzical facial expressions. The teacher walks in and sees that ½ of the class has costumes, the others don’t. He asks us who we are and what we’re supposed to be.

One by one, we give our answers.

There’s a French maid, the Uma Thurman character from Pulp Fiction (syringe, and all), a Jewish Pimp, and a couple of others.

When he approaches my partner and I, he looks down at her, and from the look on his face, has no idea what she is. She’s dressed in a halter top, short-shorts, fishnet stockings, high heels, and carrying a whip – all in black.

“I’m a dominatrix,” she says, a smirk on her face.

“Ok, then…” his voice trails off. “Uh, Steven, what are you supposed to be?”

For those who are accustomed to seeing the class smarty pants in sweater vests and turtlenecks, now see me dressed in a tight, black t-shirt and pants, with handcuffs, and a choke collar around my neck.

“I’m her bitch,” I say as I nod my head towards A.

The students laughter verge on hysterics. The teacher looks at me, nods his head, and goes back to the front of the class.

He should've known never to ask if he doesn't want to know the answer.

Note: This happened a couple of years ago (post-grad school), but I still think it's a funny story. And, it was the only time I was someone's bitch.

11 Comments:

Blogger Christopher said...

hahahaha....that was hilarious...I can totally picture you!!

Happy Hallowe'en Stevie!

October 31, 2007 12:44 am  
Blogger nash said...

Yeah, so where are the pics?!

October 31, 2007 5:13 am  
Blogger Eric said...

Seriously. Things like that don't happen without pictorial recording.

October 31, 2007 8:40 am  
Blogger Chris said...

Oh, I'll bet those pics are in your computer just begging to come out.

October 31, 2007 9:21 am  
Blogger Preposterous Ponderings said...

I agree,let's see some pics of you as a bitch!

October 31, 2007 10:48 am  
Blogger Lewis said...

I love it when you make me your bitch! Happy Hollow Weenie day to you too. Come on over...we've got hot soup, warm bread, and lots of sugar for the kiddies.

October 31, 2007 11:12 am  
Blogger Atari_Age said...

heh! And this what in *what* grade of school?

October 31, 2007 12:54 pm  
Blogger Random Thinker said...

i'm sure you gave your teacher something memorable...

so what are you going to be tonight?

October 31, 2007 1:22 pm  
Blogger Daniel said...

That is too funny. I wish I could have been there to see the teacher's face.

October 31, 2007 2:33 pm  
Blogger alexsander said...

haha thats great! what a cute story !

October 31, 2007 4:13 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You really need to stop writing about things i remember. But i forget what class it was in ... i really hope it was "GENDRA" people the word is gendra...

unless i'm mis-remembering and it's not at all what i think it is.

j

November 01, 2007 4:24 pm  

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