I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Farting in someone else's bed

Medical studies show that a person has to pass gas approximately 14 times a day. Whether it's all at once, or spread out throughout the day, inevitably people have to let a couple of them rip or face the consequence of implosion.

For some reason, there is never a good time or place to pass gas in public.

But, the most bothersome aspect of this is when you're in bed. If it's your own, you can always flap the sheets, hoping the smell will dissipate. If you're in someone else's bed, then you have a problem... especially if someone else is in the bed with you.

What to do?

The best way to handle this is by slipping out of bed, going to the loo, turning on the exhaust fan, squeezing your butt cheeks and slowly let them out. I never said it would be the only (or easist) way to handle nocturnal emissions, just the most tactful.

Of course, everyone does it, but no one wants to admit it (sort of like shitting). The last thing you want is for someone you like to think you about you and farting in conjuction. Then again, I don't fart. Ever.

10 Comments:

Blogger Godfrey Off the Grid said...

"Love is hiding who you really are at all times, even when you're sleeping. Love is wearing makeup to bed and going downstairs to the Burger King to poop and hiding alcohol in perfume bottles. That's love." - Jenna (30 Rock)

January 26, 2009 12:08 am  
Blogger Random Thinker said...

and your shit don;t stink...

who are you trying to kid! own up to your gasseous tendencies like a man!

January 26, 2009 1:22 am  
Blogger Doomed But Cheerful! said...

"Love the gas - yeh - LOVE the gas," from the Thoughts of Peter Griffin (let's face it - when has he ever been wrong?!)

Of course, you could make it into a fun game, setting fire to them, and seeing who produces the longest jet - with a home-made fartometer - just beware of blow-backs!

January 26, 2009 2:32 am  
Blogger Stephen Chapman... said...

This is such an insightful posting!

January 26, 2009 5:24 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For someone who declares never to issue flatulence, you seem to know a lot about how to gracefully release it.

Methinks it is coming from another hole,

Gonzo

January 26, 2009 5:45 am  
Blogger A Lewis said...

I'm not EVEN going to ask what you were doing in someone else's bed. But I am certain that you caught this post last week:

http://spiritofsaintlewis.blogspot.com/2009/01/air-of-embarassment.html

Horror!!!

January 26, 2009 10:01 am  
Blogger hot-lunch said...

DUTCH OVEN!!!!!

January 26, 2009 11:07 am  
Blogger JCLL said...

Just fart....who cares....

January 27, 2009 5:18 am  
Blogger Sooo-this-is-me said...

Ah yes those early days of meeting someone new, like back when the boyfriend would not do that around me. As for now it can be like hanging out at a fireworks factory. Ewww.

January 27, 2009 9:19 pm  
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November 23, 2009 9:25 am  

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