I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Monday, July 06, 2009

The scar on my head

After I finish my doing my business in the loo, I walk towards the mirror and take a glance at my reflection. While the fluorescent lighting casts a shadow on my high cheekbones, I see a white spot on my head.

"What is that white spot on my head?" I tilt my head down. It looks like a strategic bald spot, but I'm not bald; I have a full head of lush and luxurious hair.

Then it hits me: it's the tumor. The stupid tumor that I'm having removed - almost one year after my initial consultation with the doctor - is now visible on my head. It's that large. The doctors couldn't tell me if it was cancerous, or not. That doesn't help me sleep at night.

**

When I have the tumor removed, it's exactly two days after I was thrown out of J's place and onto the street. He couldn't "deal"with it. I was alone in the operating room and was emotionally (and physically) numb for and from the operation. Part of me didn't care anymore. I just wanted to close my eyes.

For several weeks, I didn't know what the prognosis was. Was it cancer? If it was, what was the next step? Fight or flight. That was another thing I had to think of while trying to move on with my life.

Fortunately, it wasn't cancer. I'm alive. Resilient. Unlike some people who can't deal with afflictions, I fought and didn't flee. But I still have a a constant reminder of that day and period in my life whenever I run a finger over the scar on my head. And it's bittersweet.

9 Comments:

Blogger Billy said...

I'm glad it wasn't anything serious. And don't take offense to this, but you are better off without this J in your life. I've been catching up on your blog and he sounds really flaky and probably wants/craves drama in his life.

Thanks for reading my blog and commenting. That really means a lot.

July 06, 2009 9:05 am  
Blogger Marquis said...

Wear that scar like a badge of honor. You went through something and you are still hear to talk about it. You are brave and don't ever think any less of yourself. I know all to well about physical scars. You are still a sweet and sexy man:)

July 06, 2009 10:18 am  
Blogger JUSTIN said...

I agree with Marquis. You are here and alive. You're stronger for having gone through that ordeal.

July 06, 2009 4:14 pm  
Blogger Brand New W said...

wow that's amazing, congratulations to you and glad to hear that you are doing well!! i just took part in a fundraiser event that raised over $16000 for the Canadian Cancer Society so i'm feeling good too! Cancer totally sucks.

July 08, 2009 9:03 pm  
Blogger jay said...

Agree with billy here. So glad everything turned out ok health wise!

July 12, 2009 10:52 am  
Blogger J Catlow-Shea said...

I'm happy that this turned out well for you save for the bittersweet feelings that will continue to arise.

I hope I am not too out of line but I have to ask...what kind of a person throws someone out during a time like that???? Cannot deal? What?

July 13, 2009 3:38 pm  
Blogger Cincinnati NAMjA said...

I aggree with Billy.

July 18, 2009 3:29 pm  
Anonymous Doubting Thomas said...

something about this whole story doesn't add up

July 19, 2009 10:31 pm  
Anonymous Viagra Online said...

man you survvie to a tumor in your head? impressive, I can't believe that, you know how many people survive to that kind of tumor? let me see, almost none.

January 05, 2011 4:20 pm  

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