Leona Lewis is ruining my relationships

Even though Leona Lewis is a newly-minted singing popstar and loved by millions, she is ruining my life. Whenever I listen to her music, the relationships in my life go from really good to horribly bad in approximately three minutes and thirty seconds.

Things went ugly with N on a day of a swim meet when I was playing her CD in my car. Things got screwed up with J on a midday break when I heard her latest single on the radio. Things got messy with my Crazy in the middle of the night when I watched her newest video on television.

One time is coincidence. Three times (and counting) isn’t.

So, now whenever I hear her music, I make sure it’s when I’m single and don’t have anyone in my life whose relationship can be screwed up by one of her songs. To top it off, her new single is called "Happy."

Really, Leona? Happy? You can be really cruel, you know that? Bitch.