Only drunk when horny

It’s lunchtime and I’m with my family at a restaurant. Things are fine as we’re starting the meal. My phone starts to buzz since it’s on vibrate (I’ve been told my phone rings too many times when we’re together, hence the switch).

“Hey, what’s up? Just having a few drinks at woodys!” It’s K.

At nephew’s christening. About to have buffet lunch. I text back.

“Mmmm I love food! I am getting drunk at woodys.”

Don’t get too drunk.

“Well I am just getting ready to woodys but have already started drinking.”

Have fun! I think it’s best chest contest or something tonight. This is typed 20 minutes later (I'm eating).

“Drag show is tonight. Come visit me!”

Nah. I’ll just be entertained with your drunk texts.

“Ha rifht”

“;)”

“I am a mess.”

Great. He's been drinking for the past couple hours. And I am on the receiving end of his booziness.

Alcohol poisoning isn’t too bad. You’ll feel better after throwing up.

“LOL”

I don't hear anything for the next hour, or so. I assume he's either throwing up in the can or has crashed on a couch, somewhere.

“LOL can I come visit you?” It's almost midnight. I know what that means. People are only interested in me when they're drunk, it seems. I prompty ignore the message and go to bed; it's been a long day and I'm tired.

My phone beeps in the middle of the night, awakening me from my slumber.

“Ha ha ha I didn’t mean can I come visit you to puke.” It’s 2:23 in the morning. I turn off my phone and think K should take a cold shower before considering texting me, again.