I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Friday, April 06, 2007

What do you do?

There is one question that arises in every party or dinner conversation when meeting a new group of people that doesn’t result in debate or discussion, but makes a lot of people uncomfortable or defensive:

What do you do?

My reply usually produces a look of confusion, followed by an explanation by me (which leads to even more looks of confusion), or a series of questions by the person who doesn’t understand the concept of my work (resulting in the same stupefying expression).

So, instead of going through the job description in detail, I've decided to eliminate that process and select from a list of jobs that will fuck around with their heads instead…

- I’m a drug counsellor and P/T coke dealer.
- I'm a stunt dick and condom tester.
- I'm a professional stalker/hitman.

There are other professions that would elicit shocking reactions – whether positive, or negative – which I wouldn’t mind using, but they're not appropriate for inane cocktail chatter.

Note: Does anyone have an occupation I can use for next time? And, they can't all be sex-related, 'cause that's way too easy.

11 Comments:

Anonymous glenn said...

Try telling people you run a pre-K prostitution ring.

April 06, 2007 12:37 am  
Blogger Silly Billy said...

How about a professional Coff-ee drinker companion?

April 06, 2007 9:42 am  
Blogger Lewis said...

Unfortunately, and as you already know, I'm not creative on a whim...so I have no suggestions. I did like the pre-K prostitution ring and the dick/condom tester. My profession always seems to bring about a large amount of bantering, blathering, and blundering. Such a fascination and not nearly the glamour everyone is looking for. So, maybe try that out....but embellish. "I'm a flight attendant, I sleep around, I whore myself out to passengers (cute ones only) and do drugs in my hotel rooms at night." See what happens.

April 06, 2007 11:18 am  
Blogger Steven said...

SB, have you heard of "gentlemen walkers"? They're prevalent in NYC, used as escorts for matrons of society.

Maybe I could be a "gentleman drinker" and be used as a +1 drinker.

April 06, 2007 2:35 pm  
Blogger Eric said...

Fluffer.

April 06, 2007 2:40 pm  
Blogger Christopher said...

Drag Queen.

April 06, 2007 2:52 pm  
Anonymous Peter said...

Railleur, Dutc/French for someone who's cleaning railroad tracks.

April 06, 2007 6:12 pm  
Blogger hot-lunch said...

i hate that question. mainly cause i'm not proud of my job. i do payroll data entry for the entertainment industry. Zzzz....

and i don't have the balls to actually say, "I'm a writer" even though that's what I want to do and kinda already do that.

April 06, 2007 10:31 pm  
Blogger franck said...

People used to enjoy hearing what my profession was back when I was touring with Cirque du Soleil (I can give you some inside information if you want to use that one)

Personally, I've taken to saying "as little as possible" when people ask me what I do. They think it's vaguely amusing and most people don't like to pry so when you give an evasive reply, they'll shut up and change the subject. Very effective

April 07, 2007 3:46 am  
Blogger Kelly said...

Happy Easter

April 08, 2007 11:01 am  
Blogger Not so Single Guy said...

Yes..this is like the second question everyone seems to ask me.

If you want to shock them..just say you are a "fluffer"

April 09, 2007 8:28 pm  

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