What do you do?

There is one question that arises in every party or dinner conversation when meeting a new group of people that doesn’t result in debate or discussion, but makes a lot of people uncomfortable or defensive:

What do you do?

My reply usually produces a look of confusion, followed by an explanation by me (which leads to even more looks of confusion), or a series of questions by the person who doesn’t understand the concept of my work (resulting in the same stupefying expression).

So, instead of going through the job description in detail, I've decided to eliminate that process and select from a list of jobs that will fuck around with their heads instead…

- I’m a drug counsellor and P/T coke dealer.
- I'm a stunt dick and condom tester.
- I'm a professional stalker/hitman.

There are other professions that would elicit shocking reactions – whether positive, or negative – which I wouldn’t mind using, but they're not appropriate for inane cocktail chatter.

Note: Does anyone have an occupation I can use for next time? And, they can't all be sex-related, 'cause that's way too easy.