I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Coff-ee, not cock-y

In one scene of a vintage Simpsons episode, the family travels to Australia (after an altercation involving a long-distance phone call and a baby eating a dingo), and is in a bar. Marge, being thirsty, asks the bartender for something to drink.

"Can I have a cup of coffee?" she says in her raspy voice.

"Be-ah?" asks the bartender, in a heavy accent.

"Coff-ee," she repeats.

"Beee-ah." So does he.

"C. O..." She emphasizes.

"B. E..." So does he.

Even though the scene was dealing with the complexities of customs of differing societies, it was mostly about one thing: coffee, and when does it mean something else.


Being someone who needs a daily caffeine fix, I drink coffee like I breathe air. Whenever there’s an itch, I go find a way to scratch it; sometimes alone, sometimes with others.

Recently, someone said I was going to get lucky because I asked someone out for coffee. I said it was coffee, he thought otherwise. Was I missing something? Since when did coff-ee turn into cock-y?

To me, coffee is a nice middle ground - no expectations, and if things turn out really bad, at least you had something to drink (that was cheap) and maybe even a sugary sweet.

I don't think coffee should mean anything more than that because if coff-ee meant cock-y, then I'd be a whore, cheating on people left, right and centre. And, that kind of itch needs a totally different scratch.


Blogger The Other Andrew said...


Sydney, Australia

April 02, 2007 2:44 am  
Blogger Lewis said...

And you outta be on board with me when some people of particular nationalities ask for something that sounds like "Coh Hee." Amazing what you'll get scratched if the itch is big enough.

April 02, 2007 11:07 am  
Blogger Eric said...

I LOVE coffee. Drink it all day, every day.
However, "having coffee" implies, to me, complete and total no strings dating, as in, "we might hit it off, we might not, but THIS date will be ultra-casual."
Not that gay men would ever be accused of thinking with the wrong head during a "date" or any kind.

April 02, 2007 3:46 pm  
Blogger Christopher said...

silly boy!...don't you know that asking someone out for coffee, is Gay Speak for:

"let's go back to my place so that I can bend you over the kitchen sink, to make you remember that you're a man!"...?

April 02, 2007 8:54 pm  
Blogger Silly Billy said...

Hmmm. But what if the person you asked out, said he shagged all of his coffee companions. PERHAPS, that is why said friend questioned the meaning of coff-ee. I mean, the guy does have a pattern. How could you break it.

But I am just guessing.

April 02, 2007 10:39 pm  
Blogger brenton said...

coffee is the elixer of life, well it stops me beating the stupid people to death.
going for "coffee" for a date is great, you get the caffeine fix and if it goes badly it's over quickly and painlessly!

April 04, 2007 7:47 am  

Post a Comment

<< Home