I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Phantom grain syndrome

As I walk into my room, I feel something on the sole of my foot. It’s hard enough to make an impression, yet small enough to go undetected before stepping on it. Turning over my foot I see it’s a grain of uncooked rice.

What’s a grain of rice doing in my bedroom? I think. My room isn’t anywhere near the kitchen and I vacuumed a few days ago. So, what the fuck is it doing in my spotless room? I haven’t eaten rice for the past several days, and meals are usually accompanied with pasta, potatoes or vegetables. Hmmm...

To be honest, I shouldn't be too surprised since this has happened before; on many occasions. There is always a grain of rice that follows me around, and it's never the same one. Although I throw it in the garbage, it always comes back - phantom grain syndrome.

The first time it didn't bother me, but after a decade, it's pissing me off. Throughout those 10 years, there must've been millions of them. If I kept them all, I would've filled thousands of those 10 kg bags that are available at the supermarket. Fuck, if I get some strips of meat, soy sauce, and a flame, I can turn my bedroom into the fuckin' Korean Grill House.

I lay the grain on top of my dresser, right at the corner, so I won’t forget to throw it in the toilet. When it’s dropped in the bowl, I make sure it disappears in a swirl of rushing water.

If I step on another grain of rice, I know it's time to start bagging it.

Note: Happy Thanksgiving to my two U.S. readers!

14 Comments:

Blogger Sooo-this-is-me said...

Is it possible you have an asian ghost in your house? Isn't that how it started in the grudge before everyone was killed in a horrible way, but I'm sure you will be fine. O_O

Steven

November 22, 2007 10:22 am  
Blogger JOE * to * HELL said...

hahahahahah on the asian ghost

i was thinking maybe you have mice.

and surely you have more than 2 US readers! happy turkey day

November 22, 2007 11:19 am  
Blogger Lewis said...

I love rice. And I love a nice looking guys feet. So, this is THE PERFECT COMBINATION blog entry for me. Gobble gobble to you. Hugs.

November 22, 2007 11:25 am  
Blogger Shirley Heezgay! said...

maybe you're producing them?

November 22, 2007 11:43 am  
Blogger Daniel, the Guy in the Desert said...

Rice must love you.
Happ Thanksgiving.

November 22, 2007 12:09 pm  
Blogger Paul said...

You lika da fry rice?
That is sorta creepy...You should setup hidden cameras to catch the act being done.
Anyways...Happy Thanksgiving! I'll be hitting the gym tomorrow morning to make up for what damage I do today!

November 22, 2007 12:34 pm  
Blogger john said...

I think it's like grains of sand--they are just always there.

November 22, 2007 1:40 pm  
Blogger GB said...

Hey Steven, we've been blogging for almost EXACTLY the same amount of time! Actually you seem familiar, did we used to link to each other?

GB xxx

November 22, 2007 3:42 pm  
Blogger hot-lunch said...

i knew u were a rice queen. :P

November 22, 2007 5:21 pm  
Blogger Kelly said...

happy turkey day (from one of your two US readers... tee hee)

November 22, 2007 9:39 pm  
Blogger DavisMcDavis said...

I was going to say, "Who's the other one?" but I guess it's Kelly. :-)

Happy Nothing-To-Be-Thankful-For-In-Canada Day!

November 22, 2007 11:03 pm  
Anonymous daniel said...

aw thanks! Happy thursday!

November 24, 2007 2:28 am  
Blogger CJ said...

Not as bad as popcorn kernels.Ouch!

November 25, 2007 5:44 pm  
Blogger Phronk said...

Classic case of phantom Asian mice.

November 26, 2007 2:43 pm  

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