I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Please leave a message after the tone

Whenever I call someone and get their voicemail, I try to act like I am someone else and make up an elaborate story to confuse them.

In the past, I have…

- Informed someone they were being tracked by the morality police and told them to watch their back.
- Acted like I was a clueless student, asking about a registration question for a college course in dog grooming.
- Said I was a CSR from Singular Wireless and the person's phone was to be picked up because of a series of salacious text messages that were ruining the concentration of other workers in the store.
- Made like I was from an employment agency, offering my services to be a pool/house boy (taking over Pepe, who is wanted by Immigration).
- Pretended I was from a heavy-breathing phone service ($3.99 first minute, 99 cents each additional minute) and said if they don’t pick up, they’ll be charged for a full hour.
- Said I was the RCMP and was hunting down that person (somewhere in there I said something involving handcuffs and having a Mountie have his way with the perp).

Thankfully, these people all have senses of humour, and they brushed it off (and had a few laughs) when I finally spoke with them.

Of course, they’ll just block my number from now on, just in case the morality police/clueless student/CSR/pool boy/phone sex operator/RCMP calls again.


Blogger franck said...

It would totally work with me if you did that, because I am terrible at recognising voices.
The other way around will be tougher because of my one-of-a-kind accent

April 09, 2007 3:06 am  
Blogger St. Dickeybird said...

Lol, i love it!
I normally make up a song on the spot, and sing it into the voicemail. It's always offkey and crap.

April 09, 2007 8:25 am  
Blogger about a boy said...

i try to do that when friends call me in the hopes they think they misdialed. hasnt worked yet.

April 09, 2007 10:50 am  
Blogger Eric said...

I always enjoy a good humorous call.

April 09, 2007 12:34 pm  
Blogger Christopher said...

...and I can personaly attest to how convincing Steven is (being one of his victims)...hey Steven...call me!

April 09, 2007 5:34 pm  
Blogger madamerouge said...

My outgoing message is a computer-generated voice. It freaks first-time-callers out.

April 09, 2007 10:16 pm  
Anonymous Lemuel said...

You're a hoot! Remind me never to give you my phone number! LOL!

April 10, 2007 6:47 am  
Blogger Silly Billy said...

Everytime there is a knock at my door I expect a Mountie to show up now. Thanks Steven.

April 10, 2007 8:43 am  

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