In absentia

Teletransporting is when a material object (people, animals, etc.) is ‘moved’ to a new location by decomposing its molecular structure into atomic elements, transmitting those elements through the cosmos, and rebuilding them in the new venue.

Unfortunately, it’s not as easy as it sounds, because if it was, we wouldn’t be taking planes, trains, and automobiles to get from point A to point B.

And, that makes me a little sad because there are a lot of places that I want to go and can’t because I can’t be at two places at once (or even another place better than the one I’m already at).

Whenever I hear, “You should’ve been there! It was so much fun!” I want to grab a pillow to cry and/or yell into.

It’s not like I don’t want to be there, it’s that I can’t; usually it's due to time, money, or both.

Lucky for me, there are some people who allow me to take part in these events in absentia. Scientists may not have perfected teletransporting, but there are plenty of cell phones with cameras that make you feel like you’re there, even when you’re not.

They’re on the phone, telling you what’s going on, and they take a few photos so you can see who’s there. To make myself a part of the festivities, I take a few photos and send them as attachments.

True, it’s not the same thing. I’d rather be there, listening in and taking part in the conversations, having a drink with friends, and remembering that if I stand up straight and clench all my muscles, it’s similar to isometrics (and people will compliment you on how thin you look).

Instead, I’m sitting at home, watching The Departed on my 32-inch TV, and running a pumice stone across the soles of my feet after soaking them in a tub of hot water.

But, it could be worse. I could have a friend that wouldn't pick up the phone, talk to me, and send photos to my inbox so I can enjoy the festivities. I may not be there in person, but I'm there in spirit.

And, by the way, where the hell was my invite?