Limber timber

The sun is out, the temperature is rising, and the clothes come off piece by piece. It’s summer, and it’s time to take advantage of the weather before the heat dissipates into a cloud of snowflakes.

Luckily, I have the opportunity to catch some rays where I live since the sun hits my place from dusk ‘til dawn. There is never a bad time to lie out in the sun and it can be done for hours at a time.

Since I don’t have a $2,500 Brown Jordan chaise to lie in, I use one of the plastic-wrapped loungers that have been around for the latter part of two decades. They’re not the most attractive objects, but for the price, who the fuck cares.

After the sunscreen is applied, I recline in the lounger and read my magazine. My onion-skin shorts are pulled down, just enough to save myself from being charged by the morality police on a crime of indecent exposure. For the next while, beads of perspiration begin to form on my chest, stomach, back, and rolling down to the waistband of my shorts.

But, there’s a problem: I have to get up.

Even though I am very limber, I’m as stiff as an oak tree after growing numb from the neck down. The plastic on the lounger stretches, making your ass sink into a hole, of sorts. My attempts result in leaning my back forward, clenching my stomach muscles, separating my thighs to the sides, and lifting my legs up in the air, thereby flashing the people who are walking by on the sidewalk.

Oh, and did I forget to mention I'm facing a busy street?

Hopefully, they didn’t see the peep show, ‘cause it’s not supposed to be free.