They shoot squirrels, don't they?
Being someone who takes great pride in (mostly) everything he does, it bothers me when others try to fuck up things that I worked hard on.
Only this time, these others aren’t people, they’re squirrels.
**
The landscaping in the front of my place is simple and understated. There’s a patch of grass, some trees, and flowers that are planted throughout the season (tulips in spring, perennials in summer). The backyard has a large patio, trimmed in greenery, a grassy, ramp-like slope towards the fruit trees and the vegetables along the property line.
Even though I’m not a gardener - in any sense of the word - I like to keep things lush and living (not to mention pretty). Plants are watered, grass is mowed, weeds are pulled.
But, now, the squirrels are getting acquianted with my bush.
They’ve been eating the blooms off the fruit trees (which won’t bear any fruit, now), chewing on the leaves of the collard greens, munching on the leaves of the dalias, and eating the flowers off the impatiens (not to mention digging them up).
Fuck. I don't care if the winter was shorter (and milder) than years past, leaving them with a food supply shortage, hence their reliance on my green thumb. They should've hoarded more food to preprare them for environmental catastrophes.
Christ, it's driving me nutty.
But, I'm not the only one, because my neighbour has the same problem. When I ask her about them, she tells me she tries everything, but they’re resilient rodents.
“The only thing I haven’t tried is getting a shotgun,” she says, in a slight twang.
“I don’t know if I’d go to that extreme,” I say. “Last thing I want is to play target practice in my backyard.” That, and I’d have to clean up the mess of splattered squirrel brains all over my tomatoes.
So, I do what every passive-aggressive Canadian does: whines.
After the trial-and-error attempts, online research, shopping excursions, etc., nothing has helped. As much as I want to keep things the way I want them to be, I may have to admit defeat. Those fucking squirrels are winning this war, but I won't back down, even if I don't have anything green left.
Maybe the gun doesn't sound like such a bad idea, after all.
Note: Does anyone get the reference of the post's title?
Only this time, these others aren’t people, they’re squirrels.
**
The landscaping in the front of my place is simple and understated. There’s a patch of grass, some trees, and flowers that are planted throughout the season (tulips in spring, perennials in summer). The backyard has a large patio, trimmed in greenery, a grassy, ramp-like slope towards the fruit trees and the vegetables along the property line.
Even though I’m not a gardener - in any sense of the word - I like to keep things lush and living (not to mention pretty). Plants are watered, grass is mowed, weeds are pulled.
But, now, the squirrels are getting acquianted with my bush.
They’ve been eating the blooms off the fruit trees (which won’t bear any fruit, now), chewing on the leaves of the collard greens, munching on the leaves of the dalias, and eating the flowers off the impatiens (not to mention digging them up).
Fuck. I don't care if the winter was shorter (and milder) than years past, leaving them with a food supply shortage, hence their reliance on my green thumb. They should've hoarded more food to preprare them for environmental catastrophes.
Christ, it's driving me nutty.
But, I'm not the only one, because my neighbour has the same problem. When I ask her about them, she tells me she tries everything, but they’re resilient rodents.
“The only thing I haven’t tried is getting a shotgun,” she says, in a slight twang.
“I don’t know if I’d go to that extreme,” I say. “Last thing I want is to play target practice in my backyard.” That, and I’d have to clean up the mess of splattered squirrel brains all over my tomatoes.
So, I do what every passive-aggressive Canadian does: whines.
After the trial-and-error attempts, online research, shopping excursions, etc., nothing has helped. As much as I want to keep things the way I want them to be, I may have to admit defeat. Those fucking squirrels are winning this war, but I won't back down, even if I don't have anything green left.
Maybe the gun doesn't sound like such a bad idea, after all.
Note: Does anyone get the reference of the post's title?
Authored by S at 12:00 am
12 Comments:
Worked "hard on". hee hee
Maybe you could "marathon dance" the little buggers to death! ;)
Hmm, they're becoming acquainted with your bush... ?! OH.THAT.BUSH.
"But, now, the squirrels are getting acquianted with my bush." OUCH!
But look on the bright side. At least now you don't need to trim your bush by yourself, Mr. Trim and Cropper.
And stop picking on Americans! Oh wait, stop picking on Texans!
Lemuel beat me to it, but I was wondering if the squirrels were dancing in your bush(es).
i have the same problems. luckily there are cats in the hood who usually keep them under control. and moxie loves them. i feel bad if she ever catches 1.
i told you to get a rubber pellet gun and stun the bastards.
Put a wire mesh fence around your garden. then hook the fence up to an extension cord, and not only will you keep those critters out, but you might have some slightly fried breakfast!
I'm surprised no one had a guess about the title. I should've offered a prize, or something.
Res was correct---come by RoD more often!!!
There's no winning the squirrel war, you might as well make friends with them and feed them nuts so they'll leave the flowers alone.
Umm, TWO of us mentioned the title. You do know what the movie you are referencing is about, right? :)
Patrick McManus, right? "They shoot canoes, don't they?"
We get psycho kamikaze squirrels in the parks here, that just love running out in front of cyclists at the last minute. For no apparent reason. They're smart enough to stay off the freeways, though. Go figure.
I spray my flowers &day & night) with a mixture of jalepeno peppers & garlic I boil in water. Seems to bee keeping them away.
Loved the movie by the way..."They shoot horses, don't they."
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