I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Kids say the darnest things

It’s 8 p.m. and the television is on in the family room. It’s giving The Flinstones, and my father, niece and I are watching the program with rapt attention. My niece has her legs on top of my lap and my father is sitting in the recliner.

But, for some reason, my niece isn’t still and keeps on turning herself over on the sofa. The reason for this physical activity is due to her bedtime – she needs to go to bed and is restless because she’s tired. It’s annoying. She’s not watching the show, and because I’m under her, neither am I.

As she begins to crawl over me, one of her feet lands in my crotch and squishes one of my balls. It hurts like fuck.

Damnit!” I swear in another language.

“Damnit, Uncle?” my niece flips over and mimics me as my eyes open wide, realizing what I just did.

“Watch what you say,” says my father, pointing at me from his perch. “You know she hears everything you say.”

Great. The last thing I need is to be blamed for the series of curse words that I’ll inadvertently teach my older niece; all without my conscious knowledge. I pat my niece’s blonde curls and smile as she turns around to watch the television.

“Shit,” I mumble under my breath.

I hope she didn’t hear me say that.


Anonymous dell said...

You're such a baby.

December 14, 2007 9:48 am  
Blogger hot-lunch said...

now if only we could all grab your crotch before going to bed...

December 14, 2007 11:13 am  
Blogger Zachary said...

Kids seem to pick up everything you don't want them to hear while ignoring everything you want them to learn. Incredible sponges. But I think I'm the same way at work!

December 14, 2007 11:21 am  
Blogger about a boy said...


where else are they going to learn how to curse properly?

December 14, 2007 11:34 am  
Blogger K said...

I LOL''ed at the response from hot-lunch.

Kids are adorable aren't they?

December 14, 2007 12:48 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you need a few kids of your own!

December 14, 2007 7:27 pm  

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