Kids say the darnest things

It’s 8 p.m. and the television is on in the family room. It’s giving The Flinstones, and my father, niece and I are watching the program with rapt attention. My niece has her legs on top of my lap and my father is sitting in the recliner.

But, for some reason, my niece isn’t still and keeps on turning herself over on the sofa. The reason for this physical activity is due to her bedtime – she needs to go to bed and is restless because she’s tired. It’s annoying. She’s not watching the show, and because I’m under her, neither am I.

As she begins to crawl over me, one of her feet lands in my crotch and squishes one of my balls. It hurts like fuck.

“Damnit!” I swear in another language.

“Damnit, Uncle?” my niece flips over and mimics me as my eyes open wide, realizing what I just did.

“Watch what you say,” says my father, pointing at me from his perch. “You know she hears everything you say.”

Great. The last thing I need is to be blamed for the series of curse words that I’ll inadvertently teach my older niece; all without my conscious knowledge. I pat my niece’s blonde curls and smile as she turns around to watch the television.

“Shit,” I mumble under my breath.

I hope she didn’t hear me say that.