I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

You're a big boy now

As my mother and I are talking about something or other, I begin to tug on my pants, pulling them up. I’m not wearing a belt, so they’re sagging and almost falling off.

“Look at you,” she says with a look of disgust, with a hand on her hip and her head cocked to the side. “The older you are, the worse you get.”

“What do you mean by that?” I ask, mimicking her every move.

“You should be getting bigger, not smaller. What are you a boy, or a man?”

“I’m neither. I’m me.” I respond, indignantly. I hate defending myself, feeling like a little kid even though I'm a big boy.

My mother comes from the school where you’re supposed to get bigger (a.k.a. fatter) the older you are, not the other way around. Being an anomaly to this way of thinking, I have gotten smaller with age. It's like that incredible Lily Tomlin movie about something shrinking that I can't remember the title of.

Is it my fault, or is it due to genetics? A little of both. Even though I eat a balanced diet, I try to stay away from unhealthy foods (try being the operative word). And, if you look at my grandfather, I have a similar body-type.

If I wanted to, I could pack on 20 pounds to make everyone happy, only I wouldn’t be happy. This is the way I look, and I like my body in an afterschool special sort of way. If they don’t like it, that’s too bad.

Sadly, I think after eating for two weeks straight during the holidays, my mother might get her wish. Fuck.


Blogger joe*to*hell said...

you were so close....its "incredible shrinking woman" - love that movie.

mama sounds like she is projecting.....

December 20, 2007 9:24 am  
Blogger Chris said...

When I was a kid, my grandmother (on my father's side) would yell at me and my sister, telling us that we looked horrible because we were skinny.

We ended up getting fat. That fucking bitch. Hope she rots.

December 20, 2007 9:37 am  
Blogger Steven said...

I was going to insert a photo of me with a huge stomach, grabbing my crotch in a white trash sorta way.

Didn't happen. Too much effort required.

December 20, 2007 11:13 am  
Blogger hot-lunch said...

sigh. i love white trash.

anyways, i wish i had that shrinking disease!!! think of all the fun places i could hide in! weeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

December 20, 2007 11:29 am  
Blogger Sooo-this-is-me said...

We like your body to! Uh um er what I mean is you look great. Whew, that sounded so wrong, probably why I said it. ;)


December 20, 2007 2:19 pm  
Blogger Atari_Age said...

I'm astonished at that coming from a mother. I mean, I expect the "Oh bubbula, you're so skinny, are you sick or something? Here let me get you a nice big plate of good cookin'!"

But not disgust like "what are you, a freak?" It's utterly bizzare - and twisted. I mean it's essentially the mirror-image of her saying "what a fat pig you are." And I'm really sorry you have to have dealt with that attitude.

December 20, 2007 2:35 pm  
Blogger Preposterous Ponderings said...

What! No pics of you in the falling pants?


December 20, 2007 5:03 pm  
Blogger Random Thinker said...

Here I thought your post was gonna be what your last date said to you...

December 20, 2007 7:33 pm  
Blogger Greg said...

Of course you know that you have made some of us envious again. As for your body, if it makes you feel good, then stay with it.

December 21, 2007 2:36 am  
Blogger Lewis said...

I think I have to disagree with Momma. To be fat, or unhealthy in any way, on purpose is never right. I appreciate you and all those who have made lifestyle transformations. Right on. You know I love ya, no matter.

December 21, 2007 8:24 pm  
Blogger DavisMcDavis said...

Based on the photographs of yourself and your stomach that you've posted previously, you should ignore your mother.

December 25, 2007 10:16 am  

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