I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Explosive shit

There are some action films that suspend all forms of reality and disbelief because they’re over the top. Then, there are other action movies that make your mouth gape because they’re so bad.

Take for example, The Marine: A WWE production designed to synergize the wrestling worlds with that of film. Starring John Cena, the producers thought they could make a star out of him like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Sadly, Cena has the acting talent of petrified wood, even though his body is just as hard.

Putting aside all other elements of the film, the only thing that left me shaking my head is how many times his character survives several catastrophes without a scratch.

For example, he survives after being inside an exploding gas station, makes his way out of a car going over a cliff and exploding when it hits the bottom, and lives to “get even” after a house explodes with him still in it. And, I’m not even going to talk about the extended scene where he’s driving without a windshield and the “bad guys” shoot thousands of rounds of ammo at him and he doesn’t even muss up his hair or get any shit in his eyes and mouth.

It’s too bad all the money was spent on pyrotechnics instead of an actual script and a leading man who has one less facial expression than Vin Diesel because The Marine is pretty explosive shit.


Blogger Brice said...

So what the hell were you doing WATCHING said piece of shit????

February 05, 2008 7:45 am  
Blogger hot-lunch said...

John Cena's best acting performance is with Bobby Lee on MADtv, you MUST look that up on YouTube!!

February 05, 2008 11:15 am  
Blogger Lewis said...

Sometimes the only redeeming parts of a flick are the actors, their hot sweaty torsos, dripping down.... in spite of the fact that they can't even speak coherently.

February 05, 2008 11:15 am  
Blogger Steven said...

Brice: I have no fucking clue.

February 05, 2008 3:26 pm  
Blogger Shirley Heezgay! said...

this is why i refrain from action movies. while cena might be nice to look at for awhile, it would get tired quickly.

Não assistir filmes acção

(was that right?)

February 05, 2008 5:46 pm  

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