I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Nobody listens to dirty talk

It's a sad fact that people are so busy living their lives, they don’t even realize what’s going on around them. You could be lying on the ground, in the middle of the sidewalk, going through the stages of cardiac arrest, and they’ll just walk over you.

But, it can also be a blessing, since they’re not paying attention to my phone conversation.

As W and I are talking, the patter quickly turns naughty. Stories about sitting on faces, standing on milk crates, and people who could pass out from too much blood rushing to their private parts are discussed. It goes from PG to R in less than few minutes.

“Where are you,” asks W.

“I’m in the middle of a shopping mall,” I say as I bypass a few people. “Eaton’s Centre. You know it? It’s this huge mall in the middle of the city.”

“And you were saying all those things? What are those people thinking?”

Please,” I roll my eyes as I walk inside Indigo books. It’s crowded for a Friday night. “I can tell you how badly I want to fuck you and no one will bat an eye.” This is said loud enough to garner attention and no one gives me any, proving my point.

Laugher is heard on the other side of the line.

"Seriously. I just said that in a store full of people, and nothing. Nothing. Nobody cares what I say." The call continues, with me saying salacious things for another 10 minutes.

In the end, it's a good thing to be ignored while dirty talking in public. Unfortunately, I wouldn't want the same reaction if I was having a heart attack.

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Although I agree that we would want people to notice us if we were in cardiac arrest, but I am comforted in a sense that you can talk as you did and not one cared or was bothered. Unfortunately on the other side we have people who want to read out mail, peek into our bedrooms, etc., all in the name of preventing us from doing something that we've consented to, but they find somehow offensive.

February 06, 2007 6:02 am  
Blogger Sunshine said...

I think this is so funny. I'd be too embarrassed to do what you did though. :P

February 06, 2007 6:54 am  
Blogger Timmy said...

I was the one laughing on the other side of the line.

February 06, 2007 8:41 am  
Blogger Kevin said...

You? Dirty? I find that hard to believe.

February 06, 2007 9:41 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You wouldn't believe the filth that comes out of Stephen's mouth. I'm sure he could make a trucker blush with that pie hole of his. [I'd like to book and appointment of knotty talk, next Tuesday at 3pm] I hope there's an opening.
kb

February 06, 2007 4:30 pm  
Blogger Single Guy said...

My friend and I turn to Spanish so we can speak dirty..and naughty even in the grocery store! LOL

February 06, 2007 8:23 pm  
Blogger Sh@ney said...

Oh people would definately have something to say if I did that here...At the very least I would be glared at in disgust or bewilderment at my brazen action...Love it..Again too funny!

February 07, 2007 10:07 am  
Blogger Brand New W said...

i love dirty talk, so i'd totally be listening in if i were around. in fact, i'd probably follow you throughout the mall just to hear more.

February 07, 2007 1:19 pm  

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