I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I do not pick up

During our relationship, I used to pick up the phone immediately when Crazy called. If I didn’t have the phone on me, I called shortly afterwards. Sometimes the calls didn’t last very long, and sometimes they lasted for hours. It’s what you do when you’re in a serious relationship.

Now, because the relationship between Crazy and me has changed, that’s no longer the case. Crazy used to call and text, but I didn't answer. If I did, it would be after a period of time. Crazy didn't like this, but I didn't care; I didn't owe Crazy a response. In fact, I didn't owe Crazy anything.

Before the breakup, I was always there, but when Crazy decided not to be there for me, I returned the favour. It’s quid pro quo, and that doesn’t need further explanation.

And this holds true for all of the people (whether I dated them, or not) who used to be there in my life but decided to exile me to the other side of the world.

Now when I see the call display, I feel sick because I don’t want to answer because I know a series of complex and conflicting feelings (good and bad) will start to well up inside me. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to text.

To paraphrase the Kelly Clarkson song, Oh, oh, I do not pick, up, up.


Blogger Princessa lil mexico said...

i use to be like that too. I would rush over to the phone if my boyfriend called me. If i called him and he didn't pick up after the first couple of rings i would go into a stage of rage-ish. I would wonder what he is doing, if he was avoiding me, if he was going to dump me, cheating on me. I have now gotten over that. I now let it ring as usual and vice versa. Sorry that you are going through this. My hear goes out to you!

September 16, 2009 1:37 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You must have deeply loved crazy and its clear how badly he hurt you. Only people we care(d) about can invoke such deep emotions from inside. Full credit to you. I admire greatly your strength and ability in which you have dealt with the emotional upheaval. You will come out on the other side of this the kind of person I aspire to be.

September 16, 2009 8:32 am  
Blogger A Lewis said...

You'll be happy to know that I rarely answer the phone -- whether I know who it is or not.....
A sidenote, were we ever friends on FB? Hehehe....my old age is getting the best of me! And, besides, you're my friend/casual acquaintance/whatever you call it -- whether we are on FB together or not....so there.

September 16, 2009 5:57 pm  
Blogger Phronk said...

I think technology has made picking up the phone obsolete. I let the machine get it, and if it's something important, they can leave a message, or text me, or Facebook me, or whatever.

And you should never feel obligated to respond when you don't want to.

September 17, 2009 5:08 pm  

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